MARRIAGE-ROLES-GENERAL
[God]
patterned marriage very purposefully after the relationship between His Son and
the church… The inference Paul draws from this mystery is that the roles of
husband and wife in marriage are not arbitrarily assigned, but are rooted in
the distinctive roles of Christ and His church. Those of us who are married
need to ponder again and again how mysterious and wonderful it is that God
grants us in marriage the privilege to image forth stupendous divine realities,
infinitely bigger and greater than ourselves.
Desiring God, 1996, p. 181, Used by
Permission, www.desiringGod.org.
I have argued
that there is a pattern of love in marriage ordained by God. The roles of
husband and wife are not the same. The husband is to takes his special cues
from Christ as the head of the church. The wife is to take her special cues
from the church as submissive to Christ. In doing this the sinful and damaging
results of the Fall begin to be reversed. The Fall twisted man’s loving headship into hostile domination
in some men and lazy indifference in others. The Fall
twisted woman’s intelligent, willing submission into manipulative
obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others.
John Piper
Desiring God, 1996, p. 186, Used by
Permission, www.desiringGod.org.
When sin
entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage not because it brought
headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man’s humble,
loving headship toward hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in
others. And it twisted woman’s intelligent, willing, happy, creative,
articulate submission toward manipulative obsequiousness in some women and
brazen insubordination in others. Sin didn’t create headship and submission; it
ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive.
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p.
79, www.DesiringGod.org.
[In Ephesians
5] husbands are compared to Christ; wives are compared to the church. Husbands
are compared to the head; wives are compared to the body. Husbands are
commanded to love as Christ loves; wives are commanded to submit as the church
is to submit to Christ.
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p.
77, www.DesiringGod.org.
Headship is
not a right to control or to abuse or
to neglect. (Christ’s sacrifice is the pattern.) Rather, it’s the responsibility to love like Christ in
leading and protecting and providing for our wives and families. Submission is
not slavish or coerced or cowering. That’s not the way Christ wants the church
to respond to His leadership and protection and provision. He wants the
submission of the church to be free and willing and glad and refining and
strengthening.
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p.
80, www.DesiringGod.org.
Supreme
authority in both church and home has been divinely vested in the male as the
representative of Christ, who is Head of the church. It is in willing
submission rather than grudging capitulation that the woman in the church
(whether married or single) and the wife in the home find their fulfillment.
Elisabeth Elliot
Although
Father and Son are the same in essence and equally God, they function in
different roles. By God’s own design, the Son submits to the Father’s headship.
The Son’s role is by no means a lesser
role; merely a different one. Christ
is in no sense inferior to His Father, even though He willingly submits to the
Father’s headship. The same is true in marriage. Wives are in no way inferior
to husbands, even though God has assigned husbands and wives different roles.
The two are one flesh. They are absolutely equal in essence. Although the woman
takes the place of submission to the headship of man, God commands the man to
recognize the essential equality of his wife and love her as his own body.
John MacArthur
The
Fulfilled Family, Copyright: John MacArthur, 2005, p. 23-24.
True.
It was absolutely necessary, especially after sin had entered the race that a
foundation for social order should be laid down in a family government. This government could
not be made consistent, peaceful or orderly by being made double-headed, for
human weakness, and
especially sin, would ensure collision, at least at some times, between any two
human wills. It was essential to the welfare of both husband and wife and of
the offspring that there must be an ultimate human head of the family. Now let
reason decide, was it necessary that the man be head over the woman, or the
woman over the man? Was it right that he for whom
woman was created should be subjected to her who was created for him; that he
who was stronger physically
should be subjected to the weaker; that the natural protector should be the
servant of the dependent; that the
divinely ordained bread-winner should be controlled by the bread-dispenser?
Every honest woman
admits that this would have been unnatural and unjust. Hence God, acting, so to
speak, under an unavoidable moral necessity, assigned to the male the domestic
government, regulated and tempered, indeed, by the strict laws of God, by
self-interest and by the most tender affection; and to the female the
obedience of love. On this order all other social order depends. It was not the
design of Christianity to subvert it, but
only to perfect and refine it.
Robert Lewis Dabney
The Public Preaching of Women, October
1879.
Since the
marriage relationship is to reflect the relationship between Jesus Christ and
His Church, it is imperative that biblical submission and love be practiced in
all of its aspects between husband and wife.
Biblical Counseling Foundation
Self-Confrontation Manuel, Lesson 15, Page 1,
Used by Permission of the Biblical Counseling Foundation.
Nowhere has
selfishness done more damage than in homes. God’s fundamental building-block
for society is now displaced by self-assertion. Wives are too self-important to
minister to their husbands. Their own names and careers are too significant for
life to be wasted in helping husbands and living “for them.” Husbands are too
self-absorbed to share all of life with their wives, too self-centered to be thoughtful
of and loving towards their spouses. Wisely the Scripture returns to the center
point. “Wives, submit.” “Husbands, love.”
Walter J. Chantry
The Shadow of the Cross – Studies in
Self-Denial, 1981, p. 54, by permission Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA.
How soon
marriage counseling sessions would end if husbands and wives were competing in
thoughtful self-denial. If the woman were anxious to yield to her God-given
head in the home, and the man were ambitious to serve her comfort and welfare
as being his own flesh, there would be no room for contention and strife.
“Wives, submit” and “husbands, love” must be repeated until the message reaches
beyond ears to the hearts of spouses.
Walter J. Chantry
The Shadow of the Cross – Studies in
Self-Denial, 1981, p. 55, by permission Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA.
One of the
most difficult things to admit or to understand is that there is probably
nothing that a man wants more from his wife than her admiration. There is
probably nothing that a woman wants more from her husband than his attention,
taking her seriously and treating her with the greatest dignity. Here what we
are getting at is the question of respect.
If I exercise my headship over my wife in a tyrannical way, I am not
respecting my wife. If my wife gives slavish obedience to me without any love,
she is not respecting me. The whole basis of the relationship is built upon
love, cherishing and respecting one another.
R.C. Sproul
The Purpose of God, An
Exposition of Ephesians, Christian Focus Publications, 1994, p. 139.
Man and woman
are one in essence. That is to say, Adam and Eve are equal in dignity, value,
and glory. In essential unity there is absolutely no room for inferiority of
person. The man and woman are equal in every respect except one – authority.
Two different tasks are given to people of equal value and dignity. In the
economy of marriage, only the job descriptions are different.
R.C. Sproul
The
Intimate Marriage, P&R Publishing, 1975, p. 44.
When two
people know, accept, and fulfill their varying but complementary responsibilities,
oneness in marriage is promoted.
Wayne Mack
Strengthening Your Marriage, P&R,
1999, p. 16, Used by Permission.
The core
role of a husband is to be a servant-leader, leading as Christ leads and
loving as Christ loves. The wife's core response to this leadership is
submission. The core role for a wife is to be a helper-homemaker,
filling the gaps in her husband's life and prioritizing her life around home
and family. The husband's core response to his wife is praise and honor.
Dennis Rainey
Preparing
for Marriage, 1997, Gospel Light/Regal Books, Ventura, CA.
93003. p. 177, Used by Permission.
The roles and
responsibilities in a household according to Scripture – Fathers: Provide for
family/children (2 Cor. 12:14) and ensure proper nurture and discipline (Eph.
6:4; Col. 3:21; Heb. 12:6). Mothers: Raising of
children/motherhood (1 Tim. 2:15) and managing the home (1 Tim. 5:14).
Children: Obedience to parents (Eph. 6:1-3; Col. 3:20) and care for parents in
old age (1 Tim. 5:8).
Andreas Kostenberger
God,
Marriage and Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 123.
Husbands, do
you love your wives enough to die for them? Wives, do you love your husbands enough to live for them? That is what the latter
part of Ephesians 5 is all about. The husband must learn to love his wife as
Jesus Christ loves His church. A husband, if need be, should
be willing to give up his life for his wife. On the other hand, a wife
should so love her husband that she is willing to live for him. She must
be willing to pour her life into being his helper. This involves living for
him, just as the church is required to live for Jesus Christ.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing,
1972, p. 70-71, Used by Permission.
Somebody must
have the final say. Somebody must be responsible to God for the family’s
decisions. Where everybody is responsible, there really isn’t anybody who is
responsible. Any organization must have a point where the buck stops. In the
home, which is an organization, it stops not with the wife, but with the
husband. It is his job to oversee all, make sure that everything runs the way
God says it should, and his wife must help him to do so.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R
Publishing, 1972, p. 83, Used by Permission.