MARRIAGE-ROLES-WOMEN
In contrast
to the wise woman, the foolish woman is not content to be a keeper at home. She
is not satisfied with where God has put her. One of the things the feminist
movement has done so successfully is to stir up discontent in women with being
homemakers and to convince them that other pursuits can increase their sense of
self-worth… Fueling discontent and pushing women out of their homes in search
of greater meaning and satisfaction has resulted in off-the-chart stress levels
for many women who can no longer survive without pills and therapists… The
greatest spiritual, moral, and emotional protection a woman will ever
experience is found when she is content to stay within her God-appointed
sphere. This does not mean that she never leaves her house, but rather that her
heart is rooted in her home and that she puts her family’s needs above all
other interests and pursuits.
Biblical Womanhood in the Home,
Crossway, 2002, p. 91, 92.
It should
come as no huge surprise that the secular world is confused and off-base about
the identity and calling of women. But what I find distressing is the extent to
which (this) has taken hold even within the evangelical world. We see the fruit
of that revolution as prominent Christian speakers, authors, and leaders
promote an agenda, whether subtly or overtly, that encourages women to define
and discover their worth in the workplace, in society, or at church, while
minimizing (or even at the expense of) their distinctive roles in the home as
daughters, sisters, wives, and mothers – as bearers and nurturers of life,
caregivers, as those privileged and responsible to shape the heart and character
of the next generation. The feminist revolution was supposed to bring women
greater fulfillment and freedom. It was supposed to make us feel better about
ourselves; after all, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” But we see the poisoned
fruit of the revolution in the eyes and pitiable cries of women who are
drowning in the quagmire of serial divorce and remarriage and wayward children;
women who are utterly exhausted from the demands of trying to juggle one or
more jobs, function as single parents and be active in church; women who are
disoriented and confused, who lack sense of mission, vision, and purpose for
their lives and who are perpetually, pathetically shrouded in woundedness, self-doubt, resentment, and guilt.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Biblical Womanhood in the Home, Crossway,
2002, p. 15.
Three of the
New Testament passages that call women to submit to their husbands include an
important phrase. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Colossians 3:18 similarly reads,
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” These parallel
phrases serve as reminders to all wives that submission in marriage must be
with the same loving wholeheartedness with which we submit to the Lord. When we
submit to our spouses, we are once again agreeing with God that His beautiful
ordered plan is worth obeying and the mystery worth preserving. By so doing we
once again acknowledge that Jesus is Lord.
Barbara Hughes
Taken from: Biblical Womanhood in the
Home by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Crossway, 2002, p. 122-123.
The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with
love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her
hands could find to do beneath the skies. A true mother is one of the holiest
secrets of home happiness. God sends many beautiful things to this world, many
noble gifts; but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows in a mother
who has learned love's lessons well, and has realized something of the meaning
of her sacred calling.
J.R. Miller
Secrets of Happy Home Life, 1894.
Wives are
called both to love and to submit to their husbands. Their
submission is not to be grudging or perfunctory but loving and willing. The
Greek word for “submit,” hypotasso,
conveys the notion of “placing oneself under” another person’s authority, which
implies that this is done voluntarily rather than under compulsion. Ephesians
5:21-33 links wives’ submission with respect
for their husband (5:22, 33). This respect ought to be freely given. Respect
does not mean uncritical adoration, just as submission does not mean
subservience.
Andreas Kostenberger
God,
Marriage and Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 122.
[Paul] says
that [wives] must obey. You must obey, not primarily for the benefits
that you and your husband will receive, but in order to exhibit the
relationship of Jesus Christ to His church. At all costs you must not
misrepresent this relationship. You cannot exemplify the love that the church
must have for Jesus Christ if that kind of love is not seen in your heart for
your husband. And it must be seen in
your submissive life as a result.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R
Publishing, 1972, p. 74, Used by Permission.
Freedom in
God’s world never comes apart from structure. When one is free to live as God
intended, he is truly free indeed. We hear much about women’s liberation today.
I want you to be liberated. Here is the path of genuine liberation for a woman:
submission. Submission allows her to run on the track; it allows her to
make beautiful music in her home. When you do what God intended a woman to do,
when you are what God intended a woman to be, that is when you will be most
free.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R
Publishing, 1972, p. 75, Used by Permission.
It is not the
nagging, but the behavior, that shows Christ in a life. The quiet winsomeness
of a wife speaks eloquently of Jesus Christ.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R
Publishing, 1972, p. 136, Used by Permission.
Mothers,
don’t let anyone ever dupe you into thinking there’s anything ignoble or
disgraceful about remaining at home and raising your family. Don’t buy the lie
that you’re repressed if you’re a worker in the home instead of in the world’s
workplace. Devoting yourself fully to your role as wife and mother is not
repression; it is true liberation. Multitudes of women have bought the world’s
lie, put on a suit, picked up a briefcase, dropped their children off for
someone else to raise, and gone into the workplace,
only to realize after fifteen years that they and their children have a hollow
void in their hearts. Many such career women now say they wish they had devoted
themselves to motherhood and the home instead.
John MacArthur
Successful Christian Parenting, Word
Publishing, 1998, p. 195.
One
expression in Titus 2 deserves special notice. It is the word homemakers. The Greek word is oikourgous, which
literally means “workers at home.” Oikos is the Greek word for “home,” and ergon means “work, employment.”
It suggests that a married woman’s first duty is to her own family, in her own
household. Managing her own home should be her primary employment, her first
task, her most important job, and her true career.
John MacArthur
The
Fulfilled Family, Copyright: John MacArthur, 2005, p. 43.
A gracious
wife satisfieth a good husband, and silenceth a bad one.
George Swinnock
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 179.
A
woman was given not for a man’s whims but for his character. She elevates him
in true masculinity. It takes a woman to make a real man. This is God’s design,
and we tamper with it at our peril.
Richard D. Phillips
and Sharon L. Phillips
Holding
Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 30. Used by Permission.
To
call a woman a helper is not to emphasize her weakness but her strength, not to
label her as superfluous but as essential to Adam’s condition and to God’s
purpose in the world. Helper is a
position of dignity given to the woman by God Himself.
Richard D. Phillips
and Sharon L. Phillips
Holding
Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 26-27. Used by Permission.
The
woman ministers to the man in the role of helper. She helps him to do and to be
what God calls for. She treats him as a brother in Christ, not as a savior who
is to fulfill her every desire.
Richard D. Phillips
and Sharon L. Phillips
Holding
Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 80. Used by Permission.
A
wife submits voluntarily, not merely as demanded and enforced by the man. It is
a gift that a woman offers to the man she has vowed to love in obedience to God
who first loved her. For this reason, it is imperative that a woman’s
submission be “as to the Lord,” that is, flowing from the submissive obedience
she already yields to Jesus Christ.
Richard D. Phillips
and Sharon L. Phillips
Holding
Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 83. Used by Permission.
Women
continue to cringe before the divine mandate of submission to husbands. Desires
to lead rather than follow recur. Temptations arise to take the dominant
initiative in the family, to act as the head. But each instance of a wife
failing to defer to the known wishes of her husband (unless those wishes oppose
the moral law of God) subverts the divinely appointed order and multiplies
misery in the earth.
Walter J. Chantry
The Shadow of the Cross – Studies in
Self-Denial, 1981, p. 50, by permission Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA.
In 1950, the
great Scottish American preacher Peter Marshall stood before the United States
Senate and he explained it this way: The modern challenge to motherhood is the
eternal challenge – that of being a godly woman. The very phrase sounds strange
in our ears. We never hear it now. We hear about every other kind of women – beautiful
women, smart women, sophisticated women, career woman, talented women, divorced
women, but so seldom do we hear of a godly woman… I believe women come nearer
fulfilling their God-given function in the home than anywhere else. It is a
much nobler thing to be a good wife than to be Miss America. It is a greater
achievement to establish a Christian home than it is to produce a second-rate
novel filled with filth. It is a far, far better thing in the realm of morals
to be old-fashioned than to be ultramodern. The world has enough women who know
how to hold their cocktails, who have lost all their illusions and their faith.
The world has enough women who know how to be smart. It needs women who are
willing to be simple. The world has enough women who know how to be brilliant.
It needs some who will be brave. The world has enough women who are popular. It
needs more who are pure. We need women…who would rather be morally right that
socially correct
Author Unknown
The Rise and Fall and Rise of Motherhood in America, May
9, 2008, Vision Forum Ministries, Used by Permission.
God’s will
for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband
(Genesis 2:18). After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus
Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the
primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may
be left over at the end of the day. Whether her husband is a faithful Christian
man or an unbeliever, God wants every Christian woman to be a godly wife- an
excellent wife.
Martha Peace
The Excellent Wife, Focus Publishing
Incorporated, p. 4.
Wives are not
the only ones instructed to respect their husbands. Children are told to honor
their fathers (Ephesians 6:2-3). If you are disrespectful to your husband, your
children will likely acquire the same attitude. It will be much more difficult
for them to honor their father if you are belittling him and speaking to him in
a harsh, sarcastic tone of voice.
Martha Peace
The Excellent Wife, Focus Publishing
Incorporated, p. 114.
The wife must
focus on her THREE GOD-GIVEN BASIC RESPONSIBILITIES towards her husband: to love him, to respect him, and to submit to
him. Her “good works” are not dependent on what her husband does, but on her
obedience to God in these three areas.
Martha Peace
The Excellent Wife, Focus Publishing
Incorporated, p. 130.
Submission is
the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and
help carry it through according to her gifts… It’s the disposition to follow a
husband’s authority, and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an
attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I
am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish
in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family
works.”
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008,
p.101, www.DesiringGod.org.
Here are six
things [submission] is not, based on 1 Peter 3:1-6:
1.
Submission
does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.
2.
Submission
does not mean leaving your brains or your will at the wedding altar.
3.
Submission
does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.
4.
Submission
does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
5.
Submission
does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily
though her husband.
6.
Submission
does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p.
99-101, www.DesiringGod.org.
When
Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” the word as
does not mean that Christ and the husband are the same. Christ is supreme; the
husband is not. Her allegiance is first to Christ, not first to her husband.
The analogy only works if the woman submits to Christ absolutely, not to the
husband absolutely. Then she will be in a position to submit to the husband
without committing treason or idolatry.
John Piper
This
Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p.
68, www.DesiringGod.org.
Extremist
egalitarian assertions are based on false premises:
1.
Absolute
equality of rights, privileges, responsibilities and authority produces the
chaos of no one having ultimate responsibility or authority.
2.
The
egalitarian premises of socialistic communism and radical democratization are
equally unworkable.
3.
Identity,
value and worth are not found in gender-function, but in a personal Being
beyond ourselves.
James Fowler
Excerpted from: Women in the Church, Study Outlines,
1999, www.christinyou.net. Used by Permission.
It’s a
striking fact that every New Testament passage discussing the role of a wife in
relation to her husband requires her to submit to him (Eph. 5;22-24; Col. 3:18;
1 Pet. 3:1; Titus 2:5), while no passage indicates that a husband should be
subordinate to his wife. Any honest reading of Scripture must conclude that a
wife is commanded to submit to her husband.
C.J Mahaney
Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and
Womanhood, ed. Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey, Crossway, 2002, p. 203-204.
“Wives,
submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians
5:22). This is a service and an act of worship that the woman gives to the Lord
Himself. It is the Lord’s will that the wife be submissive to her husband, and
if she want to honor Christ, then one of the concrete ways she does this is by being
in submission to her husband. If a woman is contentious and refuses to follow
the leadership of her husband, she is in rebellion, not simply against him, but
also against Christ.
R.C. Sproul
The Purpose of God, An
Exposition of Ephesians, Christian Focus Publications, 1994, p. 135.
To submit to
anyone less than Christ is difficult in a marriage. Yet it is Christ who
commands women to be submissive to their sinful, fallible husbands. In this sense Christ is the silent partner of
the marriage. It is hard for a wife to submit when she disagrees with her
husband. But when she knows her submission is an act of obedience to Christ and
honors Christ, it is much less difficult.
R.C. Sproul
The Intimate Marriage, P&R Publishing, 1975, p. 48-
49.
What biblical
submission for the wife is not:
1. Submission
is not merely a concept for women.
2. Submission
does not mean that the wife becomes a slave.
3. Submission does not mean that the wife never opens her
mouth, never has an opinion, never give advice.
4. Submission
does not mean that the wife becomes a wallflower who folds up and allows her
abilities to lie dormant.
5. Submission
does not mean that the wife is inferior to the husband.
Wayne Mack
Strengthening Your Marriage, 1999,
P&R, p. 16-17, Used by Permission.
The Lord
commands the wife to be submissive. Refusal to submit to the husband is
therefore rebellion against God Himself. Submission to the husband is a test of
her love for God as well as a test of love for her husband. The wife then must
look upon her submission to her husband as an act of obedience to Christ and
not merely to her husband.
Wayne Mack
Strengthening Your Marriage, 1999,
P&R, p. 18, Used by Permission.
Submission
means that she sees herself as a part of her husband's team. She is not her
husband's opponent fighting at cross purposes or trying to outdo him. She is
not merely an individual going her separate way. She is her husband's teammate
striving for the same goal. She has ideas, opinions, desires, requests, and
insights, and she lovingly makes them known. But she knows that in any good
team someone has to make the final decisions and plans. She knows that the team
members must support the team leader, his plans and decisions, or no progress
will be made, and confusion and frustration will result.
Wayne Mack
Strengthening Your Marriage, 1999,
P&R, p. 19, Used by Permission.
The Body of Christ
needs its women! It
needs singles, newlyweds, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, “spinsters”
– every last one of them. And it needs them to embrace the role God has given
them without looking back. We have so much to do, and we have so little time to
accomplish it all. God has given us a great gift in calling us to the home. Our
role is not inferior because it is “unpaid.” Our role is not of lesser
importance because it isn’t out in the public sphere. When God created mankind
“male and female,” He showed us that it takes both “halves” to make up the
whole of humanity. That our roles differ is a cause for rejoicing and glory –
not a cause for shame or depression. When both roles complement each other
beautifully, we demonstrate to the world a picture of God’s divine image that
is breathtaking to behold. We demonstrate the union of Christ and His Bride,
the Church. Rejecting our roles or revising them to suit our individual tastes
and plans is blasphemy. I didn’t say it; St. Paul did.
Jennie
Chancey
Jennie Chancey
Responds to Titus 2 Critics, Vision Forum Ministries, Used by Permission.