PARENTING-DISCIPLINE-CHILDREN-METHODS

A few words about spanking: We did! The Scriptures command it: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him” (Pr. 22:15). While this Scripture does not teach all discipline is corporal, “the rod” has its proper use… Common sense dictates that spanking ought to hurt – some. But all parents must understand that spanking is not a beating. Beating a child is abuse. Spanking is a brief, controlled, painful punishment intended to make the recipient sorry he or she committed the offense that brought it about. Very often only a swat or two is necessary. When administering such discipline, we gave the simple explanation, “What you did was wrong.” We did not refrain from expressing our dismay or anger at the wrongdoing. But we always affirmed our love before and after the discipline. After all, godly discipline is an act of love. Similarly, punishment is not positively effective without a background of praise.

Kent and Barbara Hughes

Disciplines of a Godly Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 207.

The rod, carefully administered with love, meaning, and purpose (as well as the right amount of force), is the most merciful form of punishment… (When the child is grounded) and his parents are on the outs with him for days. Is that really merciful? That is torture… The rod is a punishment quickly and mercifully inflicted.

Jay E. Adams

Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 119, Used by Permission.

Too many parents are not on spanking terms with their children.

Author Unknown

As for those parents who will not use the rod upon their children, I pray God He useth not their children as a rod for them.

Thomas Fuller

A Puritan Golden Treasury, compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 203.

The rod is not a matter of an angry parent venting his wrath upon a small helpless child. The rod is a faithful parent, recognizing his child’s dangerous state, employing a God-given remedy. The issue is not a parental insistence on being obeyed. The issue is the child’s need to be rescued from death (Proverbs 23:14) – the death that results from rebellion left unchallenged in the heart.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 129. Used by Permission.

The rod of correction brings wisdom to the child. It provides an immediate tactile demonstration of the foolishness of rebellion. Properly administered discipline humbles the heart of a child, making him subject to parental instruction. An atmosphere is created in which instruction can be given. The spanking renders the child compliant and ready to receive life giving words.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 129-130. Used by Permission.

God has commanded the use of the rod in discipline and correction of children. It is not the only thing you do, but it must be used. He has told you that there are needs within your children that require the use of the rod. If you are going to rescue your children from death, if you are going to root out the folly that is bound up in their hearts, if you are going to impart wisdom, you must use the rod.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 130. Used by Permission.

The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 130. Used by Permission.

The use of the rod is an act of faith. God has mandated its use. The parent obeys, not because he perfectly understands how it works, but because God has commanded it. The use of the rod is a profound expression of confidence in God’s wisdom and the excellency of His counsel.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 131. Used by Permission.

Ask yourself this question. Who benefits if you do not spank you child? Surely not the child. The (biblical) passages make it clear that such failure places the child at risk. Who benefits? You do. You are delivered from the discomfort of spanking the child. You are delivered from the agony of inflicting pain on one who is precious to you. You are delivered from the inconvenience and loss of time which biblical discipline requires. I believe this is why the Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 – “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” According to this passage, hatred is what will keep me from spanking my child. Love will force me to it.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 134-135. Used by Permission.

How do you go about giving a spanking? here are many problems to avoid. You must avoid responding in anger. You must avoid treating your child without proper respect for his person and dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and gentleness. You must keep the spanking focused on issues of the heart.

Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 172. Used by Permission.

It has become fashionable in some Christian circles to evade the Bible’s clear teaching of physical punishment by claiming that the rod merely refers to a staff used by shepherds to lead their sheep in the right direction. Thus, we are to “guide” our child to righteousness through the use of a metaphorical “rod.” But clearly (Proverbs 23:13–14) the rod is intended as an instrument to inflict discomfort for the sake of rescuing our child’s soul. We must not alter our hermeneutics based on the social acceptability of the Scripture’s commands.

Ken Ham and Steve Ham

Discipline: Producing a Harvest of Peace and Righteousness, By Permission of Answers in Genesis, www.answersingenesis.org.

In the book of Proverbs…the “rod” of correction…is presented as serving three primary purposes:

1. As a means of disciplining a child based on parental love (Pr. 13:24).

2. As a way to remove folly and to impart wisdom (22:15; 29:15).

3. As a possible aid to the child’s salvation (23:13-14).

Andreas Kostenberger
God, Marriage and Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 157.

While the children are young, the primary (though not the only) means of chastisement will be the literal rod. (Compare Prov. 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15). The rod is a merciful form of discipline, because it is quickly administered. The lesson is learned swiftly, hugs and kisses can come immediately, reconciliation and restoration to normal relations is experienced with hardly any delay.

Wayne A. Mack

Strengthening Your Marriage, P&R Publishing, 1977, p. 163. Used by Permission.

Scripture does nonetheless prescribe the rod of discipline as a necessary aspect of parenting. In fact, Scripture flatly contradicts modern opponents of corporal punishment: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24). “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (22:15). “You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (23:14; see also 10:13; 19:18).

John MacArthur

It might be worthwhile to reiterate the fact that parental discipline should never injure the child. It is never necessary to bruise your children in order to spank them hard enough to make your point. Spanking should always be administered with love and never when the parent is in a fit of rage. That sort of discipline is indeed abusive, wrong, and detrimental to the child, because it shatters the environment of loving nurture and instruction Ephesians 6:4 describes.

John MacArthur

Spanking is by no means the only kind of discipline parents should administer. There are many other viable forms of punishing children that, on occasion, can be used in addition to the rod. If the child responds immediately to a verbal rebuke in a given situation, a spanking is probably not necessary. Other punishments, such as withdrawing privileges, can also be used as occasional alternatives to spanking if the situation warrants it.

John MacArthur