PARENTING-DISCIPLINE-GOALS
There is a
true sense in which you must teach your children to fear God, and especially to
fear His displeasure. You have not
satisfied the responsibilities of parenthood when you have made your child
submit to you. If you are
consistent and firm in your discipline, your child may obey you because he or
she fears violating your standards.
That is a fairly easy thing to achieve. But it is not the proper goal of
biblical parenting. Your child
should fear violating God’s standard, not merely yours. You are only an intermediary with the
responsibility of teaching your child to fear God. If your children grow up fearing only your
displeasure but not God’s, what will they do when you are not there?
John MacArthur
Successful Christian Parenting, 1998, p. 79.
Kids…need
to learn that the root issue is their sin, and they need to be taught the
remedy for their sin. Chastisement is not for the benefit of frustrated parents.
It’s supposed to be for the benefit of the child. And in order to get the
full benefit, they need to understand that the real problem is their sin –
sin that offends God.
John MacArthur
The
Fulfilled Family, 2005, p. 117.
Discipline
with dignity, then, involves not only structure that is set up to see to it
that goals are reached. That is
necessary, but it also considers the personal conviction of the child to do
what God says to be even more vital.
He was made in the image of God, and he must be reached in his heart
with God’s Word. It is this
message that speaks of a loving Lord who came and gave Himself for His people
which first must touch our children’s hearts, bringing them to repentance
and faith. Parents must lead them
to repentance, lead them to conviction of sin, and bring them to the
Savior. And then they must continue
to show them what He wants and continue to motivate them, not just with the
rod, but also by the cross.
Jay E. Adams
Christian Living in the Home, P&R
Publishing, 1972, p. 122, Used by Permission.
Your focus
can be sharpened by the realization that discipline is not you working on your
agenda, venting your wrath toward your children; it is you coming as
God’s representative, bringing the reproofs of life to your son or your
daughter. You only muddy the waters
when the bottom line in discipline is your displeasure over their behavior,
rather than God’s displeasure with rebellion against His ordained
authority.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart,
Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 52. Used by
Permission.
Biblical
discipline addresses behavior through addressing the heart. Remember, the heart determines
behavior. If you address the heart
biblically, the behavior will be impacted.
The expediency of dealing with behavior rather than the heart means that
deep needs within the child are ignored.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart,
Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 87-88. Used by
Permission.
Remember, the
issue is never, “You have failed to obey ME.” The only reason for a child to obey mom
and dad is that God commands it.
Failure to obey mom or dad is, therefore, failure to obey God. This is the issue. The child has failed to obey God. The child has failed to do what God has
mandated. To persist places the
child at great risk.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart,
Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 132. Used by
Permission.
The focal
point of your discipline and correction must be your children seeing their
utter inability to do the things which God requires unless they know the help
and strength of God. Your
correction must hold the standard of righteousness as high as God holds
it… The alternative is to
reduce the standard to what may be fairly expected of your children without the
grace of God. The alternative is to
give them a law they can keep. The
alternative is a lesser standard that does not require grace and does not cast
them on Christ, but rather on their own resources. Dependence on their own resources moves
them away from the cross. It moves
them away from any self-assessment that would force them to conclude that they
desperately need Jesus’ forgiveness and power.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart,
Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 145-146. Used by
Permission.