PARENTING-TEENS
I am always
amazed at how quickly defiant teens find each other. The rebellious teen who is
new to a school will find the fellow rebels before recess. Why is this? A teen
falls in with rebellious company because he is a rebel, he does not become a
rebel because of the company he keeps.
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd
Press, 1995, p. 212. Used by Permission.
Determinism
makes parents conclude that good shaping influences will automatically produce
good children. This often bears bitter fruit later in life. Parents who have an
unruly and troublesome teenager or young adult conclude that the problem is the
shaping influences they provided. They think if they had made a little better
home, things would have turned out OK. They forget that the child is never
determined solely by shaping influences of life. Remember that Proverbs 4:23
instructs you that the heart is the fountain from which life flows. Your
child’s heart determines how he responds to your parenting.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd
Press, 1995, p. 32. Used by Permission.
When children
are little we often fail to engage them in significant conversation. When they
try to engage us, we respond with uninterested “uh huh’s.”
Eventually they learn the ropes. They realize that we are not interested in
what goes on in them. They learn that a “good talk” for us is a “good listen”
for them. When they become teens, the tables turn. Parents wish they could
engage their teens, but the teens have long since stopped trying.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd
Press, 1995, p. 96. Used by Permission.
The most
powerful way to keep your children from being attracted by the offers of comraderie from the wicked is to make home an attractive
place to be. Young people do not run from places where they are loved and know
unconditional acceptance. They do not run away from homes where there are solid
relationships. They do not run from homes in which the family is planning
activities and doing exciting things.
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd
Press, 1995, p. 221. Used by Permission.
If you are
inclined to be angry at someone in leadership of your church because your child
does not have fun in church, then first consider if the source of the problem
is in the heart of your child. Please don’t make the
criteria for judging the success of a church’s efforts at
reaching children and teens the fun-value of the meetings. God did not command
the church to provide entertainment for your kids. And if you must speak out
about it at all, attempt to increase, rather than to decrease the intensity and
effectiveness of prayer and Bible study as a means to reach the hearts of the
children. If you chose to do otherwise, you could be working against the
Spirit.
Jim Elliff
Seriousness
in Our Children and Teens, Christian Communicators Worldwide, www.CCWtoday.org. Used by Permission.
The rules and
regulations approach that focuses on keeping the teenager “out of trouble” will
ultimately fail because it does not deal with the heart. As Paul so powerfully
states, it “lacks any value for restraining sensual indulgence.” What he means
is that it does not deal with the source of a person’s wrong behavior, the
sinful desires of the heart. Peter says that the corruption in the world is
caused by evil desires (2 Peter 1:4). We have to work at the level of the heart
desires with our teenagers, or we will win lots of battles and ultimately lose
the war. It’s not enough to be detectives, jailers, and judges. We must pastor
the hearts of our children with the kind of faithful, watchful care for their
souls that we receive from our heavenly Father.
Paul David Tripp
Age of Opportunity, P&R
Publishing, 1997, p. 111, Used by Permission.
Rejection of
parental authority is a rejection of God’s authority. And the rejection of
God’s authority is, in fact, claiming his authority as my own. It is an attempt
to be God. Whether your teenager realizes it or not, the stakes could
not be higher!
Paul David Tripp
Age of Opportunity, P&R
Publishing, 1997, p. 120, Used by Permission.
In times of
struggle and failure, we need to do more than pronounce judgment on what’s
wrong and enforce punishment. We need to talk, discuss, question, evaluate,
engage, and interact with our teenagers, hoping that God will use these moments
of opportunity to open their eyes a little more to who they really are and to
their constant need for Christ.
Paul David Tripp
Age of Opportunity, P&R
Publishing, 1997, p. 124, Used by Permission.
There are
desires that make the teenager susceptible to the temptation to rebel: The
desire to be an individual and think for oneself, the desire for freedom, the
desire to try new things, the desire to test the boundaries, the desire for
control, the desire to make one’s own decisions, the desire to be different,
the desire to fit in, and the desire to be accepted. These, with a host of
other desires, all fueled by the autonomy and self-centeredness of the sin
nature, can surely lead the teenager astray.
Paul David Tripp
Age of Opportunity, P&R Publishing,
1997, p. 25-26, Used by Permission.
We have found
it important not to enter the family worship time with rigid expectations and a
rigid plan. We want an atmosphere of freedom, where our teenagers feel free to
ask questions, verbalize doubts, express confusion, debate applications, and
try to draw inferences and applications, all without the fear of being silenced,
rebuked, or ridiculed. We want the truth to connect, to convict, and to capture
our teenagers, so we are in no hurry. We want to give them time to understand
and the Spirit time to work. This time is for them. We have no expectations
about the amount of material we cover and our goal is not to get our teenagers
to agree with us. The goal is to stimulate in them a hunger for God, so we want
to be relaxed, patient, and creative.
Paul David Tripp
Age of Opportunity, P&R
Publishing, 1997, p. 186, Used by Permission.