REPROOF
We often
learn more of God under the rod that strikes us than under the staff that
comforts us.
The opposite
of love is not correction but indifference.
Anthony Thiselton
The
First Epistle to the Corinthians, Eerdmans, 2000, p. 1089. www.eerdmans.com.
At times one
hesitates to reprove or admonish evil-doers, either because one seeks a more
favorable moment or fears his rebuke might make them worse, and further,
discourage weak brethren from seeking to lead a good and holy life, or turn
them aside from the faith. In such circumstances forbearance is not prompted by
selfish considerations but by well advised charity.
Augustine
City of God, Christianity Today, v. 40, n.
12.
Rebuke must
be administered carefully and only after we have gathered sufficient,
irrefutable evidence of an unrepentant attitude. If it is a matter of their
ignorance of biblical attitudes or morality, our rebuke must be in the form of
gentle instruction. But if it is a
matter of high disregard of God’s standards (and not our own personal ones),
our rebuke must be firm and clear. Even then patience must be exercised,
allowing the Spirit of God to work in their hearts. But given a reasonable
period of time, the rebuke may need to be coupled with a command to forsake
that sin immediately.
Curtis C. Thomas
Practical Wisdom for Pastors, Crossway Books,
2001, p. 128-129. Used by Permission.
Sin needs to
be addressed when it is seriously harming the offender, either by direct damage
or by impairing his or her relationship with God or other people. Looking out
for the well-being of other Christians…is a serious responsibility.
Unfortunately, because many Christians have adopted the world’s view that
everyone should be allowed to “do his own thing,” some believers will do
nothing, even when they see a brother or sister ensnared in a serious sin. This
is not the kind of love Jesus demonstrated, nor is it consistent with the clear
teaching of Scripture.
Ken Sande
Reprinted from The Peacemaker: A
Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande, Baker Books, 3d ed.,
2004, p. 152.
Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net. Used by Permission
The Bible
repeatedly warns us not to be eagerly looking for opportunities to point out
the faults of others. In fact, anyone who is eager to go and show a
brother his sin is probably disqualified from doing so. Such eagerness is often
a sign of pride or spiritual immaturity, which cripple our ability to minister
effectively to others. The best confronters are usually people who would prefer
not to have to talk to others about their sin but will do so out of obedience
to God and love for others.
Ken Sande
Reprinted from The Peacemaker: A
Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande, Baker Books, 3d ed.,
2004, p. 153.
Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net. Used by Permission
To truly
overlook an offense means to deliberately decide not to talk about it, dwell on
it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness. If you cannot let go of an offense
in this way, if it is too serious to overlook, or if it continues as part of a
pattern in the other person’s life, then you will need to go and talk to the
other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.
Ken Sande
Reprinted from The Peacemaker: A
Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande, Baker Books, 3d ed.,
2004, p. 83.
Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net. Used by Permission
If it is hard
to accept a rebuke, even a private one, it is harder still to administer one in
loving humility.
D.A. Carson
Matthew, The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Zondervan,
1984, p. 402.
You
demonstrate biblical love when you take steps to restore a fellow-believer
overtaken in sin. This not only encourages a fallen believer to return to his
first love of Jesus Christ, but it also gives others involved in the
restoration process on-going opportunities to examine the depth of their love
to the Lord.
Biblical Counseling Foundation
Self-Confrontation Manuel, Lesson 13, Page 9,
Used by Permission of the Biblical Counseling Foundation.
We have to
know that one of the great marks of spiritual maturity is being able to take
admonition and rebuke! This matter of being able to admit faults and seek to
correct them is a mark of maturity.
Max A. Forsythe
Sermon: A Lack of Maturity, Malachi 2:1-9.
You cannot
control your children, you say. Then the Lord have
mercy on you! It is your business to do
it, and you must do it, or else you will soon find they will control you. No
one knows what judgment will come from God upon those who allow sin in children
to go unrebuked.
C.H. Spurgeon
Not to rebuke sin is a form of hatred,
not love (Lev. 19:17). Refusing to warn a person about his sin is just as unloving
as refusing to warn him about a serious disease he may have. A person who does
not warn a friend about his sin cannot claim love as his motive.
John MacArthur
Matthew 1-7, Moody, 1985, p. 432.
Backslappers
help us feel better about ourselves, but we don’t actually profit by them. Real
change and emotional growth come by facing our weaknesses and personality
defects as others see us.
Ted W. Engstrom
The Making of a Christian Leader, Zondervan,
1976, p. 96. www.zondervan.com.
Imagine a
father who claims to love his children but takes no action to stop them from
becoming drug addicts or prostitutes. Or imagine seeing a brother in Christ
walking alone heading straight toward quicksand, but you say nothing and walk
away in silence. This isn’t genuine love; it’s apathy. It is not loving one’s
neighbor as oneself; it is not loving as Jesus loved.
Yet this is what we are like when we refuse to correct a wayward believer, to
reprove sinful behavior, or to warn others of false teachers.
Alexander Strauch
Leading With Love, Lewis and Roth, 2006, p. 137, Used by
Permission.
As Christian
leaders we will be required to admonish and rebuke. In fact, a good deal of
time may be spent doing this work. It is an important aspect of ministry not to
be neglected because it is used by God to rescue people from sin and deception.
You will never know until heaven the full extent of good you have done for
others by rebuking them about sin or warning them about false doctrine.
Alexander Strauch
Leading With Love, Lewis and Roth, 2006, p. 142, Used by
Permission.
Basic
principles in confronting and rebuking in love:
1.
Guard your attitude against pride,
vindictiveness and impatience, but especially against anger.
2.
Resist making quick accusations – you may not
have all the facts straight and you may be wrong.
3.
Think of all the words you will use.
Furthermore choose the right place and time.
4.
Use patience and Scripture.
5.
Be gentle with people which
means to be kind, tender, gracious and calm – not harsh or combative.
6.
Balance reproof and encouragement and hope.
7.
Pray for wisdom, courage and self-control.
Also pray that the Lord would prepare the other person or persons to receive
your reproof.
Alexander Strauch
Adapted from: Leading With Love, Lewis and Roth, 2006, p.
143-149, Used by Permission.
If
you are not a positive encourager, you will probably be a poor admonisher.
Alexander Strauch
Leading With Love, Lewis and Roth, 2006, p. 148, Used by
Permission.
It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend
his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and
to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship.
Henry Ward Beecher
It is the
best and truest friend who honestly tells us the truth about ourselves even
when he knows we shall not like it. False friends are the ones who hide such
truth from us and do so in order to remain in our favor.
R.C.H. Lenski
Quoted by Curtis C. Thomas, Practical
Wisdom for Pastors, Crossway Books, 2001, p. 24.
There is a
limit beyond which patience, tolerance and charity toward another’s sin ceases
to be a virtue.
David Garland
1 Corinthians, 2003, Baker, p. 190.
[Contrary to]
people-pleasers, only people-lovers are able to confront.
Edward T. Welch
When People are Big and God is Small, P&R
Publishing, 1997, p. 41.
The Bible
always portrays our sin problem as being deeper than any pain we could
experience. To ignore sin, especially when it is obvious, is to offer only a
very superficial kind of love and compassion, and to withhold help that is
needed at the deepest level.
Edward T. Welch
Blame
in on the Brain? P&R Publishing, 1998, p. 123.
You would
count him unworthy the name of a friend who, knowing a thief or an incendiary
to lurk in your family with a design to kill, or rob, or burn your house, would
conceal it from you, and not acquaint you with it in his own accord. There is
no such thief, murderer, incendiary, as sin… Silence or concealment in this
case is treachery. He is the most faithful friend, and worthy of most esteem
and affection, that deals most plainly with us in reference to the discovery of
our sin. He that is reserved in this case is but a false friend, a mere
pretender to love, whereas, indeed, he hates his brother in his heart. (Leviticus 19:17).
David Clarkson
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA.
2000, p. 241-242.
It was well
done of Paul to reprove Peter to his face, and it was well done of Peter, to
praise Paul in his absence.
Thomas Adams
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 242.
He cannot be
a bold reprover, that is not a conscientious liver; such a one must speak
softly, for fear of waking his own guilty conscience.
William Gurnall
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 242.
A foolish
physician he is, and most unfaithful friend, that will let a sick man die for
fear of troubling him; and cruel wretches are we to our friends, that will
rather suffer them to go quietly to hell, than we will anger them, or hazard
our reputation with them.
Richard Baxter
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 242.
It is one of
the most dangerous diseases of professors, and one of the greatest scandals of
this age, that persons taken for eminently religious are more impatient of
plain, though just, reproof than many a drunkard, swearer,
or fornicator; and when they have spent hours or days in the seeming earnest
confession of their sin, and lament before God and man that they cannot do it
with more grief and tears, yet they take it for a heinous injury in another
that will say half so much against them, and take him for a malignant enemy of
the godly who will call them as they call themselves.
Richard Baxter
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 243.
Oh, that I
might never be so void of love to my fallen brothers as not to give him a
serious reproof, nor so void of love to myself as not to receive a serious
reproof.
George Swinnock
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 242.
Reprove
seriously. Reproof is an edged tool, and
must not be jested with. Cold reproofs are like the noise of cannons a great
way off, nothing affrighting us. He that reproves sin merrily, as one that
takes pride to show his wit and to make the company laugh, will destroy the
sinner instead of the sin.
George Swinnock
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 245.
Reprove
compassionately. Soft words and hard arguments do well together. Passion will
heat the sinner’s blood, but compassion will heal his conscience.
George Swinnock
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 245.
The reprover should have a lion’s stout heart, or he will not
be faithful, and a lady’s soft hand, or he is not like to be successful.
George Swinnock
A Puritan Golden Treasury,
compiled by I.D.E. Thomas, by permission of Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. 2000, p. 245.
Truth always
carries with it confrontation. Truth demands confrontation; loving
confrontation nevertheless. If our reflex action is always accommodation
regardless of the centrality of the truth involved, there is something wrong.
Francis Schaeffer
When love is
felt, the message is heard.
Jim Vaus
Quoted by Curtis C. Thomas, Practical Wisdom
for Pastors, Crossway Books, 2001, p. 65.
When people
know that we love them, they will accept what we say, even when it has to be a
rebuke. It disposes them to listen when otherwise they might be cautious,
apprehensive, and suspicious. “Love me,” said Augustine, “and then say anything
to me and about me you like.” Richard Baxter’s flock used to say, “We take all
things well from one who always and wholly loves us.”
Derek Prime and Alistair Begg
On Being a Pastor, Moody Press, 2004, p. 159.
We have made
it an offense to admonish people about their sin, either privately or, when
necessary, publicly. If only we were as loath to commit sin as we are to
confront it!
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Holiness, The Heart
God Purifies, Moody Publishers, p. 176
When God is
leading us to challenge another, let not fear hold us back. Let us not argue or
press our point. Let us just say what God has told us to and leave it there. It
is God's work, not ours, to cause the other to see it.
Roy Hession
The Calvary Road,
Christian Literature Crusade, 1950, p. 82. P.O. Box 1449, Fort Washington, PA
19034-8449. Used by Permission.
Correct him, but not as a foe, nor as an adversary exacting a penalty, but as a
physician providing medicines.
Chrysostom
Jesus and
Paul both urge us to discern when someone's teaching or behavior is ungodly
(Mt. 7:15-20; 2 Tim. 2:23-4:5). We may even rebuke a sinner gently, if
necessary (Lk. 17:3-4, Gal. 6:1), with a loving eye to repentance, but all
feelings of scorn, superiority, condescension, or self-righteousness are to be
confessed as sin before we confront the person (Mt. 7:1-5).
Author Unknown
Copied from Romans, Life-change Series, 1987, p. 44. Used by permission
of NavPress – www.navpress.com.
When we in
turn are challenged, let us not defend ourselves and explain ourselves. Let us
take it in silence, thanking the other; and then go to God about it and ask
Him. If he was right, let us be humble enough to go and tell him, and praise
God together.
Roy Hession
The Calvary Road,
Christian Literature Crusade, 1950, p. 82. P.O. Box 1449, Fort Washington, PA
19034-8449. Used by Permission.
It is important
that when we are engaged in admonition or exhortation or confrontation with a
brother who is overcome in sin, we call attention to the truth in an
extraordinarily compassionate and tender and loving spirit.
R.C. Sproul
The Purpose of God, An
Exposition of Ephesians, Christian Focus Publications, 1994, p. 107
Only the
truly faithful friend cares enough about you or me to undertake the often
thankless task of pointing out where we are wrong. None of us enjoys being
confronted with our faults or sins or mistakes, so we often make it difficult
for our friends to do so. As a result, most of us are more concerned about
speaking agreeableness to each other than about speaking the truth. This is not
loyalty. Loyalty speaks the truth in faithfulness, but it also speaks it in
love. Loyalty says, “I care enough about you that I will not allow you to
continue unchecked in your wrong action or sinful attitude that will ultimately
be harmful to you” (Proverbs 27:6).
Jerry Bridges
The Practice of Godliness, NavPress, 1996, p.
153. Used by permission of NavPress – www.navpress.com.
All rights reserved.