SEXUAL MORALITY-PRE MARRIAGE

A typical mistake made by Christian singles is to ask, “How far can we go?” The very question reveals a troubling attitude, and the one who asks it has already gone too far. But since it is the question that many really want to ask, this is an honest response to the Bible’s teaching: “Not very far at all.” Physical, sexual interaction between a man and a woman is reserved for marriage. Too many Christians believe that so long as full-blown sexual intercourse is resisted, other forms of sexual interaction are acceptable. But such an attitude is far out of line with the Bible.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 144. Used by Permission.

Far from inviting us to play around as much as possible and as close to the fire as we can without getting burned, [the Bible] makes it clear that a sincere Christian will cultivate the highest moral and sexual purity, as essential to his or her worship of God [1 Thes. 4:3-5; Eph. 5:3-5].

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 148. Used by Permission.

Should we “go as far as we can” without getting into trouble? That is how unbelieving people think.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 145. Used by Permission.

Many men think of the call to give themselves for a woman solely in terms of her protection. They say, “I would defend her if there was trouble. If someone attacked her I would step up for her protection.” But they fail to realize that when a woman enters a dating relationship, she mainly needs to be protected from the sins of the very man to whom she is offering her heart. The enemy that men need to stand up to is the one who lives within themselves: the one who is selfish, insensitive, and uncommitted. It is when that man is put to death that the woman will be safe and will be blessed in the relationship.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 72. Used by Permission.

A Christian man who takes the lead in sexual purity, and who tells the woman that her heart means more to him than her body, and her purity is more valuable to him than his own pleasure, liberates her from a cruel bondage and gives her a blessing that words can hardly describe

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 153. Used by Permission.

One of the reasons why so many fall into sexual sin – bringing guilt into the relationship and short-circuiting its emotional and spiritual growth – is that they place themselves in tempting situations. This is simply foolish, and Christian men and women who are realistic about sexual temptation will not put themselves in a position to fall.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 118. Used by Permission.

Sexual sin will damage and often ruin a promising relationship. It stops the development of emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 152. Used by Permission.

How are you to avoid falling into sexual sin? The answer is this: while you struggle with unfulfilled sexual desires, the last thing you should do is to toy with them. Human sexuality operates on a positive-feedback system. Each stimulus is designed not to leave you satisfied but to increase your desire until you finally join in sexual intercourse.

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 149-150. Used by Permission.

Pre-marital sex defrauds the future marriage partner of the person with whom you are involved. You are robbing that person of the virginity and single-minded intimacy which ought to be brought to a marriage.

Sam Storms
Sexual Morality, November 6, 2006, www.enjoyinggodministries.com. Used by Permission.

Most of us hear the word “will” and instinctively envision a celestial frown. The phrase “will of God” often conjures up the mental impression of an inflexible and colorless lawgiver whose sole concern is for his own reputation. But when I hear Paul speak of God’s “will” for human sexuality I think of his heart’s desire, his yearning, his fatherly passion for our maximum enjoyment of one of his most precious gifts. I hear God saying, “This is what I long for you to experience as a sexual being. I made you. I put those sexual impulses in your spirit and in your body. I created hormones. Trust me when I say that I know far better than you what will bring the greatest joy and optimum pleasure.” The point is simply that God’s “will” for you and me is always an expression of his love. So what exactly is it that God “wants” of us when it comes to our sexual behavior?

Sam Storms
Sexual Morality, November 6, 2006, www.enjoyinggodministries.com. Used by Permission.

If it were really true that living together is a trial of marriage, then divorces would be more common among couples who hadn’t first lived together than among couples who had. Actually, just the opposite is true: Divorces are more common among couples who have lived together first than among couples who haven’t. The reason isn’t hard to find. The very essence of marriage is having a binding commitment. The very essence of living together is having no binding commitment. That’s why living together can’t be a trial for marriage, because in everything that matters, the two conditions are opposites. And that’s why not having a binding commitment is less like training for marriage than like training for divorce.

J. Budziszewski

According to research, the more hours a man and woman spend alone together, even if they begin with a firm intention of chastity, the further they tend to go and the more likely they are to lose control completely. Hearing this, most Christian young people have the good sense to see that couples who really want to remain chaste need to limit their time alone. That’s realism. Unfortunately, the more time they’ve been spending alone, the less obvious such realism will be to them. The solution is that they need to set their limits firmly at the beginning of their relationship, while their heads are still clear and realism is easier to achieve.

J. Budziszewski

Listen, God invented sexual arousal. But for what purpose? To prepare your bodies for sex. Leading to sex is what sexual arousal is for. Don’t say, “We’ll do things that sexually arouse us, but we won’t let them lead to sex.” That’s like turning on powerful rocket motors but saying, “Don’t life off.” The solution? Avoid the things that arouse you! If sex is only for marriage, sexual arousal must be too.

J. Budziszewski

Consider the popular “I need sex.” When this is elbowed out of the category of desire and lust into the biological, the assumption is that sex is a biological need, nearly identical to food and water. The reasoning is that since it is a biological need, sexual self-control is unnatural, and the only option is to practice “safe” sex. Abstinence, therefore, is both old-fashioned and biologically untenable.

Edward T. Welch

When People are Big and God is Small, P&R Publishing, 1997, p. 138. Used by Permission.