SINGLENESS-GENERAL

 

 

 

Today singleness is cherished by many because it brings maximum freedom for self-realization. You pull your own strings. No one cramps your style. But Paul cherished his singleness because it put him utterly at the disposal of the Lord Jesus… The contemporary mood promotes singleness (but not chastity) because it frees from slavery. Paul promotes singleness (and chastity) because it frees for slavery – namely slavery to Christ.

 

John Piper

Satan Uses Sexual Desire, Sermon, December 9, 1984, www.DesiringGod.org, Used by Permission.

 

 

God promises spectacular blessings to those of you who remain single in Christ, and He gives you and extraordinary calling for your life. To be single in Christ is, therefore, not a falling short of God’s best, but a path of Christ-exalting, covenant-keeping obedience that many are called to walk.

 

John Piper

This Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p. 107, www.DesiringGod.org.

 

 

Children are born into God’s family and receive their inheritance not by marriage and procreation but by faith and regeneration. Which means that single people in Christ have zero disadvantage in bearing children for God and may, in some ways, have great advantage. The apostle Paul was single in Christ, and he said of his converts, “Though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your Father in Christ Jesus through the gospel” (1 Cor. 4:15). Paul was a great father and never married. And does he not speak beautifully for single women in Christ in 1 Thessalonians 2:7 when he writes, “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children?” So it will be said of many single women in Christ, “She was a great mother and never married.”

 

John Piper

This Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p. 110-111, www.DesiringGod.org.

 

 

It is a calling to do what only single men and women in Christ can do in this world, namely, to display by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness the truths about Christ and His kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage. As long as you are single, this is your calling: to so live for Christ as to make it clearer to the world and to the church

1.    that the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ;

2.    that relationships in Christ are more permanent; and more precious, than relationships in families;

3.    that marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church – the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face-to-face;

4.    and that faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance form this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.

 

John Piper

This Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p. 113-114, www.DesiringGod.org.

 

 

If she has been given the gift of living as a single person, she must be willing to do so, prepare to do so, and look for the work in Lord’s vineyard that doubtless He has for her. She must not dread the future, looking at it apprehensively, but must recognize that the Lord never calls His children without providing them the help that they need to accomplish His will and the ability to be happy in doing it.

 

Jay E. Adams

Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 61, Used by Permission.

 

 

The normal state is marriage, not celibacy. A man and wife – not single persons – were put into the garden. Celibacy is exceptional and it takes a particular gift. Indeed, God specifically declared that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). He insists, as the norm, that a man must leave his father and mother and “cleave to his wife” (Gen. 2:24). God ordained marriage for His purposes. Those purposes are outlined in Scripture.

 

Jay E. Adams

Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 47, Used by Permission.

 

 

Ten Reasons Why Single Adults Are Turned Off by the Church:

10. Frivolous jokes degrade the single lifestyle.

9. Church leadership is mainly interested in the interests and needs of married people.

8. Budgeted funds for single ministry are usually inadequate or nonexistent.

7. Singles feel the church neglects them.

6. There is a perception that single adults are morally loose.

5. Marriage is portrayed as normal for everyone.

4. The emphasis on “family church” really means couples and kids.

3. All singles are lumped into the same category as “unmarried.”

2. Divorced personas feel rejected.

1. Singles often feel left out.

 

Dick Purnell

Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood, ed. Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey, Crossway, 2002, p. 101-108.

 

 

Fifteen Ways for Leaders to Develop a “Single Friendly” Church:

1.    Emphasize the family of God church.

2.    Ask God to open your heart to reach singles for Christ.

3.    Institute an annual Single’s Day.

4.    Preach one sermon a year especially directed toward single adults.

5.    Plan special things for single parents.

6.    Speak to the singles Sunday school class or evening meeting.

7.    Develop and train single adults to be leaders in the ministry.

8.    Discourage jokes about single adults needing to get married.

9.    Incorporate sermon illustrations that apply to single adults.

10. Encourage singles to get involved in every area of your church.

11. Publish a list of ministry opportunities that single adults especially could fill.

12. Present sermon topics and Sunday school class subjects that attract single adults.

13. Give sermons on building a marriage before you get married.

14. Highlight single adults in the Bible.

15. Contact brainstorming sessions with single adults on how to develop a powerful ministry to singles in your area.

 

Dick Purnell

Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood, ed. Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey, Crossway, 2002, p. 109-116.

 

 

[A godly single] answers God’s calling in his/her life while single, not waiting for marriage to give him/her happiness or purpose.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 78. Used by Permission.

 

 

For the majority of adult Christians, singleness is not a gift but a trial.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 164. Used by Permission.

 

 

If you cannot be contented in singleness, you will not be contented in marriage… No one person can be the source of your contentment. Contentment comes only from God, and the sooner we start seeking it in Him, the better off we will be.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 171. Used by Permission.

 

 

Too many singles think that life starts only with marriage. But singles must cultivate a purposeful life of Christian growth and service. You are not stuck in a holding pattern, just waiting to land at the great airport of life. The habits you develop as a single will carry over into marriage, and you will probably pass them on to your children. Remember, it is death – not a wedding – that removes every vestige of sin and presents us glorious before God. As singles, we must cultivate godly habits and the fruit of the Spirit that enables us to lead holy and effective lives.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 175. Used by Permission.

 

 

It is commonly accepted among men today that the great danger is to get married too early. The thought of marriage is approached with fear and trepidation, with the threat of what the man will lose mainly in mind. But in the view of Genesis 2 – and in our experience in ministering to singles – the greater danger is what will happen to the man if he doesn’t marry. It is not good for a single man to develop selfish and otherwise sinful habits. It is not good for a man to grow older without the sanctifying influences of a wife and children. It is not good for a man to battle with sexual frustrations. (The same things might be said about a woman, too, but the Bible is specifically talking here about the man.) What is good for a man is to seek a relationship that will blossom into marriage – the sooner in adult life, the better.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 21. Used by Permission.

 

 

Intimacy should therefore follow commitment; commitment is the cup into which intimacy is safely poured and from which it is wholesomely enjoyed.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 35. Used by Permission.

 

 

Commitment, intimacy, and interdependence – these are the building blocks by which a healthy dating relationship grows toward marriage. They start out small – a first date does not and normally should not involve a great deal of commitment, intimacy, or interdependence – but as a couple desires to grow toward marriage, they should pray for these qualities to grow in their relationship and they should give of themselves along these lines. This is, by the way, the best way to develop a healthy marriage. A strong marriage draws from the relationship that was developed before the wedding, a relationship that grew according to the architectural plans of God’s design in creation.

 

Richard D. Phillips and Sharon L. Phillips

Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 36. Used by Permission.